Watch the throne.

T-illy, my little hip-hop niece, has finally got a throne. It’s taken me over a year to restore this 1930s “Atcraft” folding high-chair and because it’s so gangsta (it’s got spinners), the rest of this post will be translated through – that’s right biatch.

Just over a year ago I came across a 1930z highchair up in a “antiques” shop up in Westsideerham, Kent. I put antiques up in inverted commas cuz tha muthafuckin thang was probably closer ta “junk” fo’ realz. At first I had no real idea how tha fuck it hit dat shizzle n’ had ta do a lil research. It turns up it was missin tha wheels, a slide-in potty n’ a seat. Da wood had been poorly varnished over tha years. Bitz had been snapped off by supa pissed lil toddlaz fo’ realz. And tha screws n’ hinges was all rusted. Y’all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

Step 1 was removin tha varnish – a fairly horrific n’ smelly experience.

Step 2 was takin it all apart n’ cataloguin tha screws, hinges, springs n’ wooden bits.

Step 3 was sandin it all down n’ replacin n’ fillin tha bitz dat had broken off.

Step 4 was primin tha whole muthafuckin thang – it’s dunkadelic how tha fuck much surface area there is on a muthafuckin thang like this.

Step 5 was re-assemblin tha whole shebang, includin wheels dat I’d bought n’ refurbished. Y’all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

Step 6 was paintin tha high-chair up in “Javan Blue” Acrylic Satinwood paint.

Step 7 was bustin tha drop-in seat up of plywood n’ upholsterin dat shit. I used some ill eco material dat T-illy’s fashion-designa mum had applied a ill pattern to.


And finally, step 8: puttin tha fuck into action. I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch seemed pretty chuffed wit her freshly smoked up throne, both up in “high- n’ low-rider” modes.

Move bitch, get out the way!

7 Comments Add yours

  1. that’s one serious piece of shit you made there!

  2. Joe says:

    Clearly this will win awards

  3. Kim Jordan's no.1 fan says:

    I think dis be a ill piece of work. I be glad T-illy finally gotz her throne.

  4. make me one for work please

    1. with or without potty?

  5. dad says:

    er… can you insert a lot of asterisks in your descriptions before your mother reads it…? Ace chair by the way!!

    1. oops I should probably include disclaimers. But I can’t do asterisks, I’d wear that key out!

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