A plea for help


There are many great things about being one of only three foreigners in my class.

The looks on people’s faces when you swear loudly in French because you’ve just stabbed yourself with ‘wood scissors’ (that’s what they call a chisel, no jokes). Being able to use the excuse of ‘that’s the English technique’ whenever you’ve failed to follow the teacher’s instructions. And of course getting away with laughing at jokes that you clearly don’t understand because you don’t have the necessary cultural references. Lol.

Sadly, there is also a downside to being an ‘étranger’, as Camus would have put it (yeah, don’t look so surprised, I’ve read books). And no it’s not the never-ending stream of Brexit-based abuse, which I actually quite enjoy. No, it’s the fact that I have no connections.

I do not have a mate whose brother’s cousin runs a super-hip furniture shop in the centre of Paris. Or an estranged uncle who makes chairs for the nobility of Paris. Or a friend who restores antiques from the days of one Louis or another.

All of which is a bit of a shame because I need some work experience. As part of my qualification I need to do a ‘stage’ of at least eight weeks in a wood-related business. Ideally a furniture design and manufacturing business.

So this is where I ask you my dear readers, friends, relatives, fans and stalkers – HELP ME FIND SOMEWHERE!

Anyone who can help me find a work placement (unpaid) in or near Paris in April, May or June 2017 will be handsomely rewarded with a wood-based gift.

Thanking you all for your nepotism.

Your humble liege,


P.s. just to give you an idea of how good I’d look in your workshop, here’s a photo of me bossing a ‘dégauchisseuse’, french for ‘de-left-ifier’ aka jointer.


Go on, say it!

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